now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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