if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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