Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
