omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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