Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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