Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
