Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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