Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
God, I missed his penis.
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