I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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