Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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