The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
