When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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