I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize