Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You've changed since you got that strap on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
