my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
