can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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