I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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