I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
