Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
