hotel room ftw
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
