The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
