I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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