I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
