also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
