i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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