but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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