his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
