Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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