the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize