chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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