Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
