she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
