We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER