It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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