Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.

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  (858):He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW. http://tfl.nu/23zr
  Replies (11) Good night (2037) Bad night (510)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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  (920): The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina http://tfl.nu/dlly
  Replies (28) Good night (1260) Bad night (3686)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (5161) Bad night (1057)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?

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  (248): Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet? http://tfl.nu/so9l
  Replies (9) Good night (2146) Bad night (1757)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.

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  (316): Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary. http://tfl.nu/cfqj
  Replies (14) Good night (2452) Bad night (1350)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water

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  (570): I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water http://tfl.nu/9gtg
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (2215)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

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  (425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party. http://tfl.nu/nzty
  Replies (5) Good night (1711) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

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  (563): I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan. http://tfl.nu/gr04
  Replies (10) Good night (2182) Bad night (695)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

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  (207): Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I? (1-207): I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me. http://tfl.nu/4usu
  Replies (5) Good night (2740) Bad night (807)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

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  (320): It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college? http://tfl.nu/c66r
  Replies (8) Good night (1648) Bad night (608)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.

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  (505): I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub. http://tfl.nu/yxnr
  Replies (6) Good night (1851) Bad night (384)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.

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  (612): i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/9psc
  Replies (6) Good night (1247) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"

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  (713): I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in" http://tfl.nu/49tf
  Replies (7) Good night (725) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.

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  (410): Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me. (443): Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life. http://tfl.nu/8aep
  Replies (5) Good night (667) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.

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  (919): Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts. http://tfl.nu/b7ik
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (271)

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