allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.