i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
