You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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