woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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