the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell