She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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