I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
