Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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