Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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