Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
