I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i out mim tonsoeep
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
