He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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