she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
