I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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