We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
