i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
