how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
