Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone came in the potted fern
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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