I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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