The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
