You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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