I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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