There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
