she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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