my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
