Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
