i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
