how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
