Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
