my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The air taste purple.
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