Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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