My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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