two words: eviction party
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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