Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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