what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
