ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
