Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
