She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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