A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
