We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
