What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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