On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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