Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
