i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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