You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
